Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
