Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
