Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
