Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
