six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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