Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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