Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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