I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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