i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Vodka?
Forever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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