Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
