WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
