i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
