Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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