What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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