I think my vagina is haunted
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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