You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
