I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
