I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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