It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
