arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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