Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
