As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
