i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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