Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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