hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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