Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
