I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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