She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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