i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
