Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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