You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
