it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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