you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
