Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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