I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
