It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
