I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
