So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
