it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
