Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
