phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize