Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i dont even know how to be here
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
