I need help removing her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
