He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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