It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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