One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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