girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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