Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
