I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize