Nicole vs. Life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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