wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy