im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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