i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
