Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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